My relationship with Divination tools….

For now, I use a Tarot Coloring book (Tarot Coloring by Alexis E. Thomson) and The Soul Journey Lesson Cards (James Van Praagh). I came into spirituality on my tippy toes….. I have always been surround by bitches who really thought they were dark witches, following spells and whatnot but I would often see the downside to all of that and still just thought they were playing with elements they didn’t know fully about. I guess I still do think that way with lots of people who provides readings to others….I believe in it all, but I stay away from entities and people that are hypervigilant in mainly speaking and working with the negative surrounding the esoteric, it has its place and balance in our universe, but I don’t focus on the negative more than the positive.

I have always been mesmerized by the esoteric; like many it started with reading my horoscope but as my world changed tarot slid in. I was working the retail end at “Wicked” (Idena Menzel/Kristin Chenoweth version) before I graduated college. During, intermission it tended to be crowded, everyone trying to buy merch or snacks but I felt eyes on me—- I looked around and a lady with eyes trained on me was staring back at me. I knew it wasn’t a coincident, I had had quite a few instances like this, so I put my head down, turned back around and proceeded with my work. I knew she was heading my way and in like 2-3 minutes she was standing in my line. She told me she needed to see me and wanted to give me a free reading, she gave me her card and kept telling me to call/visit her. I gave her no assurances and told her I would think about it. These people didn’t scare me, more so than make me question what it was I was giving off because it was able to grab her attention through the crowd. But, my line of thinking with anything I don’t know or it spooks me a bit, I take it step by step and explore it.

I started off with Religion, but saw the farce of what it presented to me as a child and really never saw the need to “find a different type of church” as most of the people I grew up with, did. After I left my toxic environment the first time going into college, I just floated for a bit, I explored different religions, saw the beauty in some practices but still was not led to partake in Religion on a regular basis. I still had not explored Spirituality really— I wasn’t ready to sit in the trees and the grass —-I wanted to be a professional (or so I thought) so I didn’t think being a “hippy” was a part of that. But, I of course was still in the mindset of looking and judging the outside, with certain people. The truth of the matter is, it feels Spirituality has been calling me since middle school.

I had the chance to read into it, but chose romance novels!!! In seventh grade, I avoided the lunch room on certain days and would sneak in the library and read books the crazy thing is I went to a middle school in the inner city but I remember the variety of books and magazines that were available….I was like a kid in the candy store!!!! There was this collection of books about “self” in the sense of learning yourself, but they also had romance novels——-why my middle school had Danielle Steele books in that library was beyond me but that was when I started reading spicy literature…. her and Nora Roberts books!!!! Nonetheless, I see or feel that Spirituality had been calling me for a while now…….I look back at these major moments of isolation and I can see how every time I came out of it, there were new people but I was the one holding on to the past people and things….this time, the Universe made sure I lost EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.

I found to just go off of what I feel and know, in my environment; I was a kid who grew up in the projects and rode the city bus across town in the 8th grade, I’m going to always rely on my environment. Now that I am in the place where I am in my journey, I understand now that if I want my environment to change, I have to work on my thoughts—-its what inside that counts.

Right before I stepped both feet into Spirituality, I had picked up doing tarot at the suggestion of a “friend”. It came really easy to me, but I used the cards initially only on me until that same “friend” asked me to read for her. It was after my second reading for her, it just hit me. It all fell into place, her role in my life and everything she had been doing. She had been using me, literally, for her platform but also through the years. I saw how and why she connected with my family, how she attempted to be the strings behind my success, how she was in secret competition with me, how she tried to copy me; sometimes I wish I was the old me to physically fuck her up because she even kept trying to play with me through Spirituality!!!! In the moments of listening her trying to guide my reading in a more positive light than I was going, my spirit said hush and I hushed. It’s like every moment where she helped create doubt in me came up, but thinking how she would always continue to urge me to meet the birth portal half way…..anyone that tells you to keep in communication with someone who is hurting you is also taking advantage of you somehow.

Spirituality, like anything else, has people that will take advantage of you using the tools. What I want to show people is that I don’t rely on the tools of divination, more so than I’m learning to use my intuition and environment and you can too. The tools are helpful, even fun at times and I love going to the meta-physical shops, but in order to lean more into my future, I know it requires me having more faith in myself, so I use tools of divination only when I’m led to it in the moment. I don’t depend on it. Ive come to understand this, trust me, in 2023 I was in Body Mind and Soul at least twice a month. I say, if it helps expand your thinking, especially spiritually, use it. When it gets stagnant, routine, switch it up, but with every new practice, I found it helps to take time to ground and just listen to your environment, it kinda helps I’m a Earth Angel, but it’s often in the quiet and still moments your intuition talks to you, it’s a knowing type of feeling that whatever is being deposited in your mind is the truth. It’s a interesting, aha- feeling to me. When I get to bugging on what I should do or I am pulled in many directions, I ground, then I see what I am led to use if anything. But, always do what works for you…..I am sharing my experience to show there are more than one way to get to where we want to go.