The “AHA” Moments
That’s what it was, it was like a deafening in my whole body when I realized deeply what this so called friend was doing…..the strong or weird thing about me is that I realized I did hold on to people in a weird way. I have always been one of those people watchers, so when I see body language going against what is being said, it piques my interest. I’m learning to point that arrow in the good direction now……I hung out with weirdo bad people for so long it was a weird like obsession to guess people kinks and dark secrets in the friend group. That stopped being fun literally around the age of 27 for me and I sort of managed to touch and go with people far longer than I expected. I thought, encouraging my friend groups, family, would help other people get motivated to help me and we make this money together. So this was the only reason I really kept hanging on to this so called friend. I knew she didn’t have my best interest at heart, but when she made the comment, “Well we have to help other people”…..she made it seem like it was my responsibility to carry out her mission. She was picking talking relationship points and videos from the lovely, crazy pandemic era and I was telling her that we were both beyond that point, it’s time to work on ourselves, not worry about what other did to us. Baby doll, in the time she explained to me why I should be helping her with this, talking about with Spirituality you are suppose to do this, do that, help, give…..I said in that moment, she is trying to keep up with me. I thought about how she wanted to talk about the whole “no having sex" thing, how I know she lied about not having sex only after I told her going into my 3/4 year of no sex and all of a sudden she claimed she wasn’t having sex, yet she was asking me tips prob 2 years earlier on how to approach anal sex!!! I kept saying to myself she is lying she is lying, SHE IS LYING!!!!!! I started shaking because I realized what she was doing what the birth portal had done to me so many years, make me doubt my feelings and Spirituality in my eyes in not about trying to teach people how they are wrong about a particular action, it’s about changing their own perspective to live their best life……..It immediately became one of those moments where I got it with her. For so long she claimed to be Islam, Catholic and now she was Spiritual. Nothing wrong with it, but I asked her in a earlier moment, when I started delving into Spirituality more how long she had been into it because looking at some of the practices, I would have said she started before she had her baby….I guess she forgot the extent of our relationship or her lies but she told me all her life. I immediately called cap and reminded her she was practicing Islam. She then of course switched it up and said she had been Spiritual all of her life and she just practiced different things to which I was like I understand but I asked her specifically when she started practicing Spirituality and she never gave me a time frame…..
That was all I needed to know to let her go……there are many choices we make in life and I made the choice to stay with this woman who thought she was manifesting or out smarting me. I realized a friend an ex is never really your friend, they will always be a spy or a fence rider to both to take advantage of what all they could. And this is what she had been doing over the years between me and my ex husband. It dawned on me she was a part of a big situation between my ex and my child while I was out of the country and that’s where my mind told me to stop going back to point out the inconsistencies….she was never someone I should have told certain particulars too, especially based on how I met her. I let it all go, it all. She is someone who helped me understand the part of tarot that the ones before me have been afraid to look into. Help me see how her whole mind was set to escape this reality the best way she knows…..she didn’t think I picked up on her always unknowing asked me questions in seeking her higher path, but what I can’t stand is when I deliberately see someone trying to copy me and criticize me in the same breath….
But one thing I had to check myself about is, what am I doing that is like her since I thought about her more than a few times….. I had to be honest with myself. I have been trying to take shortcuts myself, trying to hurry and conquer Spirituality, so I could have my riches……..but the lessons are what’s going to help me build the foundation the right way and KEEP the $$$ this time. I keep telling myself not to worry, don’t worry about the time frame, dont worry about what I am going to even do the next day in most cases, just live for now….LIVE.
In helping re-direct my energy, when I have moments like this, I pull to see if there is something I can learn from a past person that’s popping up, but I’m learning to cut those thoughts off if I can’t think of anything quickly. I go out of my way to not recall specific hurt moments, but I’m realizing the “aha moments” in creating my reality. The things of the past that may come up, I have to change the perspective in mind to how the moment is going to help me now and in my future ….it’s helped tremendously rather than going down the path of hurt the past person called. I’m creating my world this way to, my reality, making sure I clear myself of those entitles or practices that will stunt my growth or keep me stagnant…..it’s getting easier.
As long as I stay positive and continues striving upwards in my actions and my mind…..I’m pretty certain my soul is there… there is no way it wont all work out—-Aha!
