Being Thankful
As the neighbor above me started to stomp around hurriedly today, I looked at the clock and decided to go on and get up. It was a good 15 minutes earlier than what I typically get up. I had to sit back and really think about this “thanks”. I had been getting up early (5am) for years, hell, since middle school, to ride the bus and go to school. When I stopped working the state job, I still got up early out of habit and to take my baby to school, but now? I had to chuckle because it was 7:30 something when I got up and I sure have gotten used to this in the last year, these slow mornings, I love them. I thought of how I transitioned though, it was brutal. I held on longer than I should to my failing real estate career and taking my kid to school—-when I had no choice to put him in home school, it seemed to make sense that I was doing the absolute best and needed to recalibrate. I eventually got it and I am starting to learn when something stops working, step back and let it!!! But it also took me being truthful about what it is I wanted….not what I told people based on their expectations. I had to get honest with myself, quit playing small with it and just do it. I look at how I was so scared to venture off into my dream when I realized the Universe was pulling at me to do what it is I want to do. I still said to myself, “well let me get this type of job to hold me over until”….didn’t work out with ANY of the jobs. I had to step back and further realize, staying with this Birth Portal is God’s way of saying you are safe physically to fixing your foundation before you are ready to fly….the choices you have made have left you with the last absolute person that is willing to help you on this side, get your ass up and do what you have to do…..it’s been working. Self doubt is being chased away and I am blessed to be able to be in a state where I can keep myself calm. Sure I didn’t think it would start off or look like this, but the important part of this journey is that it lead me to the idea that helped me with my Tik-Tok. When they say get child-like???? I look at the fact my child is 8 years old, I’m back living with the one person who shut me up and made me find different ways to be secretly creative when I was around that age….I sit with my baby at times and we both be in our worlds…… but we are content and at peace. What I HAD to admit, is if I never had to live with her, I would have never thought to take my creative endeavors in the direction it currently is, its all about choices and paths that are created behind it.
During my “AHA” moment, one thing that struck me is, I gave myself so many excuses as to why I couldn’t start my Tik-Tok and you know, everything is within us? It really is. It is so hard to get to yourself and what makes you truly feel good when you have the ideas and perceptions of other people and what they think when you are doing it. That’s the one thing I thank God I ended those connections in particular. With the sperm donor, even though I never told him my dream, he heard my heart, he would always say how it was hard and you have to be really talented. With the so called friend, she constantly re-assured me being a case worker was not my life’s goal, but she really thought (me being a people pleaser) she could have more access to my energy once I quit working a job. They always see your light, they try to deter you and make you believe you need them for help, support, they are older, they know better. Sometimes it’s out of love, in my case, I held on longer than I should, I began to see their faces even turn 1-2 years before I let some of these people go.
I thank God, the Universe, through Spirituality I am able to understand the why, I just have to be that constant encouragement for myself. I was for so many people over the years and myself…now I have me to me to encourage and change my reality. I go within and center myself and learn to be silent and that birth portal is like a toothless pit bull. I get happy because I do, do better every time in dealing with her; I can tell because her efforts in trying to attack me are weak, she don’t what to attack……I’m learning to not be so rushed in responding to her, if I am not able to take a deep breathe and respond, I go for a “blonde” moment the best way I can and it usually works. I told her the other day I am working on coding and that was enough for her to leave me alone, lol. Like I said, my choices led me here…..never did I think it would start like this, but I have been able to do in less than 3 months, what I have doubted myself for 2 years nearly because I kept thinking of the how and I am doing it all under the nose of my first dream killer, lol….you know how much I love me???
Please, just do it, continue to give thanks for what you want and what you have…..let’s not worry and doubt, let’s persist that our abundance and wealth is here and do the fricking best we can each day. That’s how the wealth is going to come.
